« November 2007 | Main | February 2008 »

January 12, 2008

same person different day

you know when you haven't seen someone in a long time and you remember all their brilliance and think perhaps there is some way you can share their brilliance and yours with them and then you see them and you realize it's all just the same crap with a different pack of naked chicks behind them? yeah... so today i was glad that i am not a gay balck man and was assured i have done everything right... even when my ideas are stolen by my teachers my montors and my best friends, i am still better than that...the angela show will go on... strippers do not a thoughtful show make...

January 09, 2008

year of the cock

so, thank god for bloomer, she's too smart for words. and we bounce things off of each other nicely and we both compliment our sense of scientific spirituality. it's based on physics and recognizes the miracle of physics at the same time... or something... i mean, she's the first person to ever say to me "i don't call it god, i call it the universe, but i think they are the same thing" or something to that effect, that's how i remember it at least...
anyways, as she so gravefully pointed out... her berfday, 1-8-81, is kinda like her berfday this year, 1-8-08, but that doesn't really have anything to do with me, other than it made me go and look what year this was going to be in chinese astrology... it is still now the year of the dog, but it will soon be the year of the cock, ok, ok, year of the rooster, which it also was in 1981, the year i was born. so hmm. back where i started from... a little, for her too, but in a different way.
bloomer was also so gracious as to point out that the age we will be turning this year, 27, is 3x3x3... three is the bestest number ever... (i believe some rather old posting may have covered my love of the number three, but in case you haven't read that far down, don't care to, or simply just forget earlier contents, i will extrapolate) that one cop called me "three n lucky" when i was a kid, not as an adjective, but as a name, "Hi there, threenlucky" so i began to introduce myself to people as such. "what's your name little girl?" "threenlucky" it was cute... i will tattoo it on myself some day...
three girls/women... i find myself in pods of three chicks.. the most obvious and most important being that of me my mom and my sister. and alter returning in my three chick/wall/portishead dance and when the three girls went to moon tribe without the boys and there were three triangular pyramid shaped rock things in a triangle off in the distance... anyways... whatever, three comes up it's important... it's home-like...

So I've started this year off with a bang... literally and figuratively... cock everywhere, cock cock cock, even i am feeling slightly overwhelmed by the over abundance of cock... it has been a while since i have done anything besides couples, and the intense energy of one on oneness is kinda a lot... what is with the being the mama of the hurt little boys, angela? jesus christ, the divorced guys... all of em. literally and figuratively... i am sick of being goddman mother earth... back to just couples... no breaking my own rules now... i don't need people looking at me for some kind guidance... i mean, if you want guidance, you have to let me fuck you in the ass first, no really, for reals...
I'm looking forward to greggy's show this weekend... orifice... i like orifices... especially my own.. i said out loud for the first time the other day that i like being the girl and the boy with both girls and boys and the other way around and at the same time all of the above... regular is so regular even at it's finest...

January 07, 2008

eat fuck kill

i had this thought about being wiling to kill off the old, being willing to die all the time over and over, every day every minute. when you pull the death card from the deck, it is actually about birth, about the old leaving to make room for the new. and then thinking about how few people actually give themselves over to death, perhaps only with one lover, once a week and maybe not even then... then we relate that to surrender... the surrendering of your will under someones, if even for just a few moments, perhaps restrained, perhaps not, but being willing to die to let go of your own anything-ness, completely at the hands of someone, you know perhaps very well, or perhaps not. complete surrender. yes, there is the pain and yes the being able to take it, and yes the being the center of the world. (which i attribute to the autism, redefining boundaries) but i don't even really feel that or remember it, what i do remember is the complete freedom. the slate being wiped clean, blood rushing, invigoration, wide eyes, heart beating, ready for whatever comes my way completely willing to receive, receive all of it, the good and the bad, handling whatever stimulus comes my way. having been willing to die, the ego left the building, you were not you, you were the everything, the nothing and you didn't completely submerged, and yet also somehow completely filled up, affirmed in your being-ness in your complete trust. you get to be new you get to have that fresh look.
my back has started to cease being ticklish.
life happens and all of it is good. even when it's bad, it's good.. good bad... bad good...