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So back to the holographs (or is it holograms...?) the dictionary defines a holograph as: A document written wholly in the handwriting of the person whose signature it bears.
huh? well, that's not really the point...
it's easiest explained anatomically, talking about fascia. the muscle itself isn't what's fucked up, not the bone, but the fascia is what gets trained, stuck, glued, armored. it's what makes the pattern feel normal... when you begin to stand or sit properly, it hurts. partly because of weakness, but mostly, i would argue, because the fascia is not used to being there... they say that's where you hold your emotions, in the fascia... that's why mongolian warriors cleaned their bones with self-massage after battle, to clear the emotion, the memory from the connective tissue.
now let's take it to the atom. to bounce off (haha, holorams...) of what red said, we are more space than stuff, more space than matter... because of the structure of the atom, the buzzing holds the space so much that it seems as if it's everywhere at once... you know, how the glowies leave a trail after them (ever wonder why that's fascinating on drugs? because it's looking at our own structure...)
why is the potato chip appealing? because of the space. the way the air cracks out of it when you destroy its space with that deliciously sweet maui onion crunch... ever tried a blistered peanut.. the way it crackles when you crunch it is really strange and satisfying, because of the space.
leeann always said the point of props in yoga is to help create more space... that other lady said that thing about not getting stronger or more flexible, but getting out of your own way to give your spine more space. blisters... back to blisters... they create a buffer of space.
but what has been coming up a lot is that place between sleep and awake... red said it, and like three other people have said something about it within the last few days. (goddamn collective consciousness being so up in my grill.)
We are suggesting that nothingness is really the somethingness. In saying this we do not mean things are worthless or meaningless, but we are coming back around to the idea of surrender. allowance. the place between sleep and awake holds significance because it is a place of allowance of receiving and reintegrating...
find the place where your inner ear meats your brain stem meets your spine meets your tongue meets your sinuses and put more space there. it makes you feel kind high... rule number four - everything changes... allowance... enjoying each rung of the ladder, losing sight of the top or bottom and simply observing the view from each standpoint.
so there has been much talk about this space and the (dare is use the word liminality?!@#! no i think not... i hate ucla still...) the inbetweenness.
don't be afraid to not know just give it some space. back off. back off and then back off again. take your energy behind you.
I was massaging some very large people of late. obese even. i remember val talking about wanting to teach the anatomy of the fat cell. a strange phenomenon happens. padding, cushion. trying to create more space. but the thing is where you would expect the fat to be squishy or wobbly, it is taut and hard even sometimes. the only way to describe it is thick skinned. not just plastic wrap tight, but hard and thick. two theories: they are subconsciously trying to take up less space and also creaiting a cushion on the inside part and a wall on the outside part... bouindaries!!! it frightens me when i can't get to someone's neck. like they are drowning in themselves... maybe that sounds fucked... but it was all part of my trip on the space issue...
stress as a status symbol. less space to actually confront anything.
stress = not enough space.
back to the neck - the body/mind divide. the colliding point the place where the brain and the rest of you fight for power, fight for the right to say what's going to happen here. ever wonder why your neck hurts ofter sitting at a desk? because your body is pissed off and it's going to get to the place closest to the brain and say "listen bitch, this is so not okay with me." so when you can't get a neck... what exactly is that saying...
leeann also said not to think about these things too much..
have fun, be happy He says. I thought, first: fuck you, then i thought: that's all i do. Because if that's not what your're doing then, well, then what. it's funny to me that He never knew me when i actually liked my life, in fact, i think maybe this is the first time i have liked it. the first time i've felt like i'm in charge of it. felt like my opinion is repected, like i'm heard. by the universe and by myself. There is more space. to write in, to dance in, to kill the space and then make the space and fill it and empty it and scatter it and collect it.
we were talking about why the playa is specifically a proper space... it's clear. it gives me chills to think about how clear it must be without anyone on it.
sometimes i lose my limbs - especially when i'm getting acupuncture. i feel like my limbs either don't exist or that they are somewhere that they are not. sometimes the room starts to disappear into tiny fractal luminescent bits of whiteness. sometimes when i wake up i feel like i was on some sort of mission, i was doing something important and this silly world thing is just a minor little annoyance i'm dealing with to get back to that place where things were getting done, conferences being held. and sometimes i am so so tired and i can't sleep to save my life. and sometimes you look in the mirror at a funny angle and you see that chicken pox scar that you knew you had, but hadn't seen or noticed or thought about in years. or you find that place in yourself where you stop for a second and say "oh, hi! i remember you!" when you back the fuck off and give yourself the space, anyway...


in making space. I threw away the donut. seems counterintuitve. the donut as the symbol of shunyata--the donut is defined by its hole. ("I AM A DONUT" he had no idea what he was saying....or how profound it was).
nothing is the only something. It is because of emptiness of meanning that anything can be something. we are defined by our spaces. God, I totally agree about the yoga creating space thing (and I am relating less and less to teachers who seem to feel the importance of strength or flex....whatever). here's 3 things that I think are important,
1) surrender
2) space
3) flow
and, just like the 3 fundamentals of theosophy, when I say 3, what I really mean is 1.

I also like to think about fat. interesting that Val
l would want to teach the anatomy of the fat cell.

I like what you said.
also, isnt it weird that fat is often colder to touch--distancing, it is insulating, heat to center. cold cold to surface...maybe burning inside.

maybe people dont want their souls to leak out.

I also am interested in how often obese people are malnourished.
symbolic of a culture of quantify. supersized, lives so full yet so empty.
not shunyata (not the deepness that comes from empty). they empty that comes from density and being so so full.
yes. stress as status symbol.
what are they killing themselves for?

p.s. I am the first person on my dad's side of the family to have a neck.

whoa... no wonder your neck freaks out...
ever hear of brown fat? it's the kind that keeps you warm in winter. supposedly you only develop it up to a certain age, so if you live somewhere like la and aren't exposed to cold you won't have brown fat. josh used to say he was going ot get me brown fat for my birthday... he never did... come to think of it, i don't get cold anymore, just back then... maybe it was hollywood being inland, or, you know, or not... i think i was also the fattest ever then... hmmm. insulation. well, also smoking=notfeelingloved.
separate thing...
like i feel like i'm not doing enough so then i can't do stuff, so when i back off and decide i don't give a crap if i do anything, i have all this stuff to do... another thing about yoga/dance/bodies/theuniverse is: it's always the opposite of what you think. up=down. right=left... which end up making space... asserting the difference between the two ends. over focus. zooming in/out.
i like that you were val all summer. it makes me feel like i was there.

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