« May 2007 | Main | September 2007 »

August 22, 2007

the catydids and the eye doctor

I color coded my laundry, then washed it in order of stuff i wear most often. Plain black clothes went in the first load. Turquoise and greens in the next load (there was a lot of green because i just got these apple green sheets). Pinks, reds, oranges, some browns in the third. Cremes, beiges, unbleachable whites some pinks and light blues and grays in another dark blues and purples and jeans in another and of course plain whites get bleached together. I forgot to remove the lint from the trap between the cool colors and warm colors and when i pulled it off of the screen in one big chunk, it was like perfect watermelon candy colors. this bright green and park hot pink. it was awesome. It reminded me of my rainbow.

Catydids never hurt anyone, but just the mear thought of them makes my shoulders tense. Since the screens don't fit on the windows, there will probably be more, i just can't seem to bring myself to leave the windows and door closed in this heat. every moment i am in this fight or flight style ready to leap and flail if something green and pointy with long legs should land on or near me, checking to make sure it's not some kind of bugs everytime the leg of my pants brushes against me.
There has been an unusual amount of dead bees on the dude's deck. And he started making only fish which i won't eat and quit smokin' pot, so two of my perks are gone and two of my people there keep canceling in the same day, so i keep getting screwed outta one or two sessions a weeks and i don't get food or pot anymore, which would be fine if they just told me ahead of time so i could eat and smoke a bowl before working.... it might be time to quit...
My eye has moved from twitching to just being in a cramp all the time. i ate a banana -- not my mouth ites and my eye is still doing that thing....
In chinese medicine, my understanding is that the element of wood related to the following: the sound is hollering and the emotion is anger. The color is sour apple green. it has to do with vision - literally and figuratively: your ability to "see" what is happening and you ability to literally see. It's primary organ is the liver and the blood and veins are also part if it (i think... i could be wrong, though) Liver/wood etc are responsible for maintaining the qi flow, ensuring that it is even. chronic pain is a sign of uneven qi flow: ie: a blockage in the flow. also associated with things such as restless legs and bi-polar and other mood disorders.
people often don't understand what restless legs feel like. I describe the sensation as itchy. some describe it as tingly or pins and needles or like bugs or simply the need to move and keep moving, especially when you are trying to be still (ie: sleep time). I say that it feels as if the layer between the bone and muscle is itchy. I don't just experience it in my legs, but also my ribs and arms.
Most people hate the dentist. They have these horrible childhood memories. Me, i always thought the worst part was the taste of that polishing crap that was all gritty. but whatever, there was a cool box of toys. Never had braces, never had a cavity. I got lucky: good teeth run in my family.
The eye doctor was another story altogether.
When i was a kid, i crossed my eyes. not because of a muscular thing, but to focus. I can still do it when i don't have any eyes on.
I was sent to a specialist in children's opthalmology. He was brilliant. He had you watch a clip of the seven dwarfs off in the distance while he looked with the bright light. He gave you a thing to squeeze when he put in the eye drops that stung. He only had trouble getting my prescription right one year in high school when my eyes changed dramatically in one year.
When i was seven my sister's dad talked my mom into taking me to another doctor that would get me contact lenses even though Dr. Schwartz said i was too young. This other doctor barely even saw me and this scary lady with big fingernails was trying to force my eyes open and get this massively big contact lens into my eye.
Back then, you couldn't get soft lenses for my eyes. I went back to doctor schwartz.
I went to another place when the insurance changed and they messed up my glasses so bad that i ended up right back in doctor schwartz' office again. He let me see him until i had graduated from UCLA, even though eveyone else in his waiting room was 10 or younger, i decided to try out the contacts lens thing again when i was 19 because i was tired of people thinking i had down syndrome or something, and i was a dancer and your sbilty to dance is limited when you can't see your periphery and things might go flying off of your face or you are blind.... he had this awesome optical department which was one nice lady named marie who got me my lenses in a week or less all the time. She was super patient when i was having troubel sticing something in my eye. When i last went to his office i found out he had retired due to a nerve problem, he had a tremor and marie retured as well.... the new staff acted like it was the strangest thing they had ever seen an adult trying to go to the childrens opthomologist. I saw one other one briefly who was good, but he also rtured... then there was kaiser. took 4 attemps before getting me to see as good as with my old prescription. then dr. dugel, m.d.... he can totally suck my hairy balls. suck them for like days.
Here's how it went down:
i was referred to dr. dugel by my general doctor. I think he just picked him off of a list even though i expressed that i needed someone who is good at dealing with eyes like mine. So, at this dr. dugel's office i never saw him, he saves his precious time for the big money surgeries. i saw a man the first time, the prescription was wrong and then was sent back and saw another doctor... so starting over from scratch everytime. we went back to the prescription i had walked in with. I have to get an exam every year because my eyes are so bad that they need a new scrip every year.
i went back this year for my exam and coincidentally got allergic conjunctivitis that same weeks, so some other m.d. saw me and they could not do the exam because of the infection. This random other m.d. treated me like a child. He asked when i had seen another doctor for my eye infection because he saw on my chart that i had been taking an antibiotic. all i said was "actually, the first anti...." and he said "just answer me, when did you get this for your eyes" and after three attempts like this i finally yelled at him and said if you would let me finish. it's not for my eyes. when he dilated my eyes and had putt three kinds of drops in that all burned he got mad at me for wasting his time when it was hard to keep my eyes open and look into the bright light. of all the unprofessional-ness....really... so went back to get my exam and was told that my corneas might decide to spontaneiously perforate.... um, thanks for scaring the shit out of me...
so this doctor examined me, who was my age and very nice, however clearly had no idea what she was doing because when i got my lenses i had to be less that six inches from my computer to see anything on it.
it was always 1-3 weeks. now all of the sudden it was 2-4... not 2-4, though the full four. then how come marie got them in 4-5 days most of the time???
now i have to wait for 2-4 weeks again through 1800contacts... two months, two whole months just to be back at the same old scrip i started with. the injustice of the eyecare industry infuriates me. i don't understand why 99% of the world can get their disposable leses off of a shelf and not have to worry even about cleaning the and i have to pay like three times as much and still ahve to wait a full month to get them...
People act as if i'm being dramatic, but my neck hurts from holding my head at weird angles because my peripheral vision in like nonexistant. I work in a hot room and do physical work all day and i sweat most days and i hold my ears tight in a vain attempt at holding my glasses in place, i use oil and have it all over my hands and then if i try ot push up my glasses, it just exacerbates the issue, because i have now added oil to sweat. So the headache and neck tension factor is notable and almost debilitating. Then top it off with not being able to wear sunglasses (clip ons don't fit over my thick lenses, never have) and the squinting into the sun just makes the whole thing worse... even the inside of my ear canal hurts, but mostly i feel like hollering.