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untitled TRACK 1

here are some blogs i blogged on tribe...
they feel like a nice progression... please be entertained by my ridiculous meanderings about the meaning of life and my booty...
#1 is "the moon and the desert (thinging my thing)"
#2 is "a strange few days"
#3 is "posibilities and such (up/down/sidetoside)"
#4 is "booty, booty, booty (gorilla's in the mist)"
#5 is "more on swirls"

So, it has been a while (maybe two years?? fuck...) since i went to a moontribe party and really dedicated myself to it. But i did this time and i feel that i have remembered my soul once again. The last two years have been strange and i feel like mt always brings things full circle for me.
two years ago when i went, it was just after i had graduated from UCLA - it was my 23rd berfday and i was about to enter this thing that people had told me about called the real world. where you have this terribly monotonous job that you must dedicate your entire being to. i had been dancing for some companies and realizing that most people do not see art/movement/souls etc the way that i do and finding that my art wasn't fulfilling me outside of my school setting, i decided to perhaps give up on it for a while. this compromise or betrayal of my love, my purpose, my art lead to more an more betrayals of myself. I dated a boy who made me feel old and routine-ish i began to ingore the pleadings of my body, i stopped moontribing with feeling and mostly i forgot that you are doing contact improv at all times and i also forgot that central rule of contact that you can change your way of dancing, who you are dancing with etc whenever you need to. Some might call this time post-college depression.
breaking up with boy, quitting joby-job finding my new passion in healing allowed me to begin healing myself. Since then, this whole pocket of that two year period has dissipated, all of its elements are pretty much gone to me now. In a way i feel like i lost time, like i am right back where i left off, but i thank the universe for that time of nothingness because it made me realize the dance in my soul. everything is a fractal, everything is in waves and patterns. Times of lack or rest or nothing are required to punctuate, accentuate the possibilities of the everythingness within.

So... on friday night, i bailed on my friend aaron's birthday party. I had school the next day and I thought it would be super irresponsible to bail on school (again) for the sake of the party even though school on weekends can suck my balls... it was the last day of the class and i almost cried though the whole class the week before because i was all behind because moontribe was more important to me than keeping up... so now i'm not gonna be able to get my LA licence until september instead of august, but you know what?? fuck it, it was my berfday and i deserved some nature time, so fuck off...all that aside, i felt shitty for a few hours about having bailed on the party, seeing as it was also the last time i was gonna see gerrald, too... oh, well, i have to take care of me first, right? left? wrong? who? i have no idea. besides i was stoned outta my mind from the goddam balanese weed my boss smokes me out with, so naturally i went to taco bell (no lectures necessary, i know the calliber of sin this is...) and crashed on my couch... so i went to school and the pregnant ladies came into class for us to work on and it made me feel like, ok, i do know what the fuck i'm doing because all i gots ta do is listen to my instinct, duh... how many times i gotta relearn that shit, intuition is worth so much more than education....
so here's where it get's weird... i was gossiping with my mom while she put her laundry in the dryer... now pay attention 'cause this gets complicated, or maybe i just tell stories all outta order, but who cares, that's just how it is...
this homeless dude named Joel is in charge of closing up the launrdomat, which is directly across the street from my house. I've known this dude for like 13 years beause my neighbor used to feed him... he lives in some tent somewhere near here and the laundry folk let him clean up at night so he has food money. i've never known the guy to be a creep, just skinny and lonely... but a few weeks ago i was finishing up folding my clothes when he came in to start closing up and he started in on this whole thing about 6/6/06... it equals 18 and 18 divided by 2 is 9 which is the number necessary to make a democratic decision and something about 18 equals 4 squared divided by 2 plus one... i didn't get all of it because it was outta nowhere, but he started telling me because my hair is black now instead of red that my friends were gonna ask me to kill childred and i had no choice because i worship the devil.. um, ok, so i got outta there as quick as i could... my mom made the mistake of telling him that she didn't appreciate him calling her family satan worshippers, which made me even more nervous because where i had just nodded and said, "oh, interesting" he now knew that we thought he was crazy, so i spoke to his "boss" because i was afraid to do my laundry now... so back to the inear part: i was shooting the shit with my mom and he walks in and gives us this weird look as we're walking out an crossing the street back home... soon after that, he rings our doorbell and again my mom is a dumb ass and she fucking opened the door... i still am not sure why except that she has always believed that everyone is basically good...
he starts fucking screaming at us that he doesn't apreciate us telling his boss that he's satanic... first of all, jigga what, you called me satanic and i just told your boss i was worried you weren't eating enough, dude... then he raised his fist and was totally about to deck my mom. we tried to close the door and it took the force of two of us (and we're buff chicks) to close it because he was trying to force it open and get inside... eek, is putting it mildly...
sooooo, while i was holding the door closed as he was pounding on our glass windows, my mom called 911 and he got taken away based on an unpaid j-walking violation... i soo wish i had a bowl to smoke after that...
i wasn't leaving after that, because i felt like my home, my root, my mom was under attack... so naturally, my mom and i took off for a massive 4 hour walk armed with pepper spray and tripping on shrooms... mmm
we had a great trip at the beach in hermosa and on the pier talking about how the palm trees watch over the drunk assholes and then i talked the bouncer at hennesey's into lettin us in despite our lack of momey or ID and then we got the singer of the band there to buy us some beers... it was swesome... fucking asshole's can't ruin a trip with me and my mom, we've made it though so much more intense shit before... but now i'm kinda afraid to walk around my hosue by myself, cause even though the dude only weighs like 100 lbs, insanity makes you strong as a horse...
i need to get laid...

i have this new surge of possibility in my life everywhere i turn, there is room for opening and movements and seeing and learning... my new mission is to overcome my fear of heights and the things that tell me "can't"... that's all... remembering to look up and not forward or backward

well, amongst some people hither and thither, there has been talk of, well, a certain fixation on and relating to the booty (see number 6 below... arg) i find myself singing in the kitchen "i found you missnew booty, get it together and bring it back to me." "promiscuous boy" "you keep pushing all my buttons, babe, sayin watchoo gon' do ta me, but i ain't seen nothin." you know, the usual teenage booty crap, but it's stuck in my goddamn head and it seeps out at the most innappropriate times, like while i was taking massage for pregnancy and we were learning draping...
Recently, (see blog re: desert and moon and such), i went on a trip (heh) with two other lovely faeries and well, there was a gorrilla in the backseat. Some of you may know of this gorrilla... however, the important thing is, it was the first time it was identified as a gorrilla, mostly because it had driven the mermaid one to the point of yelling and bouncing and punching the pillow, all gorrilla-esque "oh, shit, y'all, i think there's a fuckin' gorrilla in ourbackseat." gorrilla is appropriate because you can't fucking ignore a gorrilla in your backseat, it has to be constantly tended to, i mean gorrillas are not meant to be confined to the back seat, they need to be free to stand atop the mountain or some bullshit like that. enough about my gorrilla, how's yours? just kidding, i probably don't want to know... i'm sure you know way more about mine than you ever wanted to... sorry 'bout that...
so i saw this thingy on my friend's blog and was like, oh, that just figures...but, i too am not even about to fuck with the booty faerie, so here's the instigation of my rant for the day
> This is hilarious!
> Be sure to read the warning at the bottom. I
> didn't change a word! I'm
> not messing with the Sex Fairy!
> -------------------------------------------------
> 1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests
> find that when women
> make love they produce amounts of the hormone
> estrogen, which makes
> hair shine and skin smooth.
> =============
> 2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your
> chances of suffering
> dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat
> produced cleanses the
> pores and makes your skin glow.
> =============
> 3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you
> piled on during that
> romantic dinner.
> =============
> 4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take
> up. It stretches and
> tones up just about every muscle in the body.
> It's more enjoyable than
> swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special
> sneakers!
> =============
> 5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression.
> It releases endorphins
> into the bloodstream, producing a sense of
> euphoria and leaving you
> with a feeling of well-being.
> =============
> 6. The more sex you have, the more you will be
> offered. The sexually
> active body gives off greater quantities of
> chemicals called
> pheromones .. These subtle sex perfumes drive
> the opposite sex crazy!
> =============
> 7. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world.
> =============
> 8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away.
> Kissing encourages
> saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers
> the level of the acid
> that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up..
> =============
> 9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking
> session can release
> the tension that restricts blood vessels in the
> brain.
> =============
> 10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy
> nose. Sex is a natural
> antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay
> fever.
> =============
> This message has been sent to you for good luck
> in sex. The original
> is in a room in the basement of the Dwight House
> Pub. It has been sent
> around the world nine times. Now the sex fairy
> has been sent to you!
> The "Hot Sex Fairy" will visit you
> within four days of receiving this
> message, provided you, in turn, send it on.
> If you don't, then you will never receive good
> sex again for the rest
> of your life. You will eventually become
> celibate, and your genitals
> will rot and fall off. This is no joke! Send
> copies to people you
> think need sex (who doesn't?). Don't send money,
> as the fate of your
> genitals has no price.
> Do not keep this message. This message must
> leave your e-mail in 96
> hours. Please send ten copies and see what
> happens in four days.
> Since the copy must tour the world, you must
> send it. This is true,
> even if you are not superstitious.
> ______________________________
> --
> The world is a book -
> and those who do not travel -
> read only a page.
> Pass it like ACID!

My friend was feeling unrooted amidst the wind of life swirling around and her choice of the world swirl made me go like this "Angela, the superswirl to the rescue!"
and i wrote her more of my thoughts on swirls... which was really introduced to me by teh bouncing mouse... but it is something i also used to talk about a lot when i taught ballet: everything is the next thing and the thing before it all swirled together, everything is in a circle and everything is about the opposite that it seems to be about you can find it in yoga: everything is the everything else...
we are just one swirl swirling off the giant swirl... and we all have several worlds/swirls within our one world and we can pick whatever world we need within ourselves that best matches the world we are being presented with, knowing that even thought this is one of the worlds, its part of the more inclusive whoel world of me and i am part of the giant swirlingness and sometimes swirls are chaotic, but that's what makes them more moveable and active, not a stationary shape, like a triangle
Like when the water "knurls" it's still moving and then one day the water molecule shoots out of the knurl and goes down the river... or maybe it was always going down the river or whatever...
or like an ingrown hair that can either stay inside and wad up or spring out...


In my mind, there is a link between buddhism and glaciers. In concepts of being-ness: "why are glaciers blue?". We went on a cruise to Alaska when I was in fifth grade. It was a rough trip because I was very depressed and looked just like another girl on the ship my age except she was pretty. whatever. anyways. the question: "why are glaciers blue" (a site-specific version of the questions, "why is the sky blue", or "... the grass green?"...the answers always being site or time specific poetics of, "... because they are")
anyways, the answer given, "becuase, [because of the characteristics of the composition of their compositions], they absorb all colors except blue; blue they absorb".
Like I said ..."because they are". that is an explaination of color itself, not of the nature of a thing giving it color. That explaination explains why anything is any color while having nothing to do with the thing or the color. However, something in how idiotic this answer was, permantly linked the idea of the being-ness of something as being the emptiness of that something and, therefore, the encompassing of all else, to the inane example of "why are glaciers blue?" perfectly perfect in its pointless ness.
So, in buddhism class at UCLA then again later in dharma talks, when the idea is presented of things contianing their oposite, or being defined as "not it not it not it not it. . . (so then what) or shunyata or pens and chewtoys and emptiness of intrisic qualities of being---empty of being in the way that we percieve and therefore having the potential to be at all...
it really is and only can be, because it is certianly not what it is...
the glacier
is blue
becuase it contains no blueness.
true: like everything else, an answer having nothing to do with blueness or glaciers.
but still whenever I hear these concepts brand-new, I say,
"oh, you mean like a glacier?"
and, naturally,
nobody gets it.

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