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swans, dreaming, time, sunlight etc.

Please be patient, this entry is not all about drugs... I was just listening to this radio broadcast from some guy from fear factor joe r.. i dunno, something.. anyway, he was talking about one of the most illegal drugs in our country, DMT, dimethaltripdamine... i probably butchered the spelling. get over it, i write stream of consciousness, man, i don't have time to fix the spelling. anyways, the drug which is so illegal is actually produced by our pineal (i think) glad. It is released when we sleep mainly. it causes us to dream. (ah ha tie-in with the dreaming on drugs thing). SO here's the trippy, yet sort of obvious next step, it released in insane amounts when we die. It what causes the white light, seeing people on the other side visions of love and light before death thing. Ok, so people smoke this stuff mainly and it produces a five minute high people report feelings of oneness with everything, seeing white light, seeing their body (tendons veins bits here and there) as pure energy, one guy said he saw a figuremade of energy telling him to not give in to astonishment. Besically it puts you another dimension. Which brings me to time. Did you ever read that book where the guy communicates with these aliens.. wait not jsut communicates, but is in a zoo of some sort of this alien planet... Don't ask me, man, they made me read it in high school... anyway... These alines had a fourth dimension and it had to do with time. The best way for humans to concieve of it was to say it was like a mountain range, where you can see the different past/present/future events and sort of pick and choose where you hung out, like you could pick out good moments and just be in them forever. I have this fear of time slipping... this probably means that i'm not using my time well, or wasting time/life/whatever> My teacher, leslie doesn't waste anything. Blah ok, back to the point. I look back on life's bits and pieces, most of which as general chunks, i regret. There were these things about it i shall list some here: I could get to work in 3 minutes: the 7-11 on the way, watcing the vine spout: sitting on the patio with everyone, cutting people's hair on the patio, the light in the big room, pippa, the courtyard at work. Let's stop there for a moment. I had time to kill. I was waiting to go to New York, i had big adventure in front of me, but for now, i was chillin. That courtyard is a trip, if you haven't seen it, you should ask me and we'll go there. I went there with Genevieve after a day of shrooming It was the day we saw the swan and angelynne (all i have to say is pink corvette). That swan, i knew it was something to pay attention to. I hate to be trite, but there's this smashing pumpkins song that goes "graceful swans of never topple to the earth, tomorrow's just an excuse away." Anyway, the moral of the story is that time passes things go away, people go away. Things are just suspended in this time web that we can't really see... you have to savor things while they are actually there. That thing i always say about looking up instead of just forward... It's really easy to look back along the path and remember happy things. Like the sunny days in that courtyard before i was the manager and flitting about when i peeked my head through the bushes by the boat in the middle and stole poofs. My class just ended yestday and i didn't want it to, but there come a time when all things end and it is easier to see why you want them to stay than remember why you wanted it to go when you had it. Or to think about what may come. But you have to remember that there is sun outside right now, too, and that you are wasting it thinking about the sun in the courtyard or on the patio or the sun that's gonan happen later... there is sun right now, duh... look up, you stupid fairybug... look up....


I was telling Harmonie about an exercise where we bought to mind kind words that someone had said to us--that had great impact. I was telling her about the rest of the exercise but she already knew what hers was. She said she was driving with her mom. The weather was kind of crappy and and "people were stupid" it was the sort of thing where people were having nasty glances and on the edge of yelling out their windows. Then the woman in the next car rolled down her window, but instead of yelling said--"look. There's a rainbow. I just wanted to make sure you saw it".
My greatest fear is wastiing time. That's why it drives me mad when people say that I am still young. I don't think the two have anything to do with eachother. There are two parts--I don't want to miss a thing that is happening, And, I want to make sure that I do all that I need to do. To just watch time fall away is terrifying to me. I imagine it gets easier, but I dont know that I want it to.
Yesterday, I read that adepts don't dream. They have contol over all of their components, so when they sleep, they just BE with the unified field. Dreams were being described as the brain "thinking itself".
This doesn't take into the picture the possibility of dreams as messages from beyond the brain (I guess an adept would be as able to percieve thoes awake while we need to be asleep). But, of course this was Theosophy which has an interesting relationship with spiritualism and the occult. I think HPB's main stream of that incarnation was about negotiating thoes things. She was drawn off course by them, and so rejected them (as in, dont get caught up in siddhis and make them about your ego) and started explaining them differently in ways that really meant the same things (psychic vs noetic......), but then ultimately had to embrace a more spiritual realm again, being kept alive by occult power on "borrowed time" to finish her work when whe should have been dead.
Anyways, its such an interesting strand there to me. Just the idea of occult power in general. I barely dream, but I'm not an adept. Though sleep aas dreamless, freedom is a better description to me than "you just dont remember your dreams" (I know when I drempt but didn't remember). I did dream the other night, though. Standard, horrible teaching anxiety dream, then lead to something weirder:
my wrist (I think left) seemed to have splinters (3). But when I squeezed them, instead of peeling off, one at a time, I slip them out long ways. The first was like 2 inches long (went through my wrist almost) and a dark metal, an eliptical column, the second was skinnier, but just as long and more gold/brass color. The third was jagged, sharp, copper, very dangerous looking.

what do you think?

Hey Furrrr,

You're sounding like Red. I'm scared... getting cold.

hmmm, three splinter thingies? three is the magic number... are they three people and one is more treacherous? i dunno, i'm so fucking literal...

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