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the angry has once again subsided

Despite my eyeballs throbbing from drinking just 4 gin and tonics (i know, i'm such a fucking pussy...) the rage seems to have subsided... it's kinda like how i wish my period would be... you could just push a button and have it all come out at once and then be done with it... yay for mr. stillpoints emotional release points... it's like the go-button... or maybe it's just because i had mad monkey sex ofr hours upon end last night... ahhh, neurotransmitters are so easy...

it's kinda like how i wish my period would be... you could just push a button and have it all come out at once and then be done with it... yay for mr. stillpoints emotional release points... it's like the go-button...
i remember this thing that went something like, if you can't find your niche/place where you fit, you have to create your own... which i guess is more complicated... but kind of refreshing... i'm so lucky to have my yummymeat friends... after all of my spaz-hole-ness, greg is still going to let me dance in his sugar/sweet ... how do you spell abcess absces ... anyway you know what i mean... i mean, it's not like i'm gonna make any money, but i could just pretend the dance people that piss me off don't exist... it's hard not to compare and contrast and note that idiots get adolation, but i guess, really i don't want adolation from more idiots... this ballet teacher/actress acquataintance (jeez, i can't spell for shit...) of mine said this one time that she thought most modern dancers only dance for themselves without regard for the people watch and (get this this is the best part) that one must maintain a certain asthetic to expect people to watch and enjoy... a certain asthetic? does that mean there is only one that's acceptable? i would like to take this oportunity to liken this to something, actually maybe the thing, that made me despise lillian... she said make it the most beautiful tendu... i was like, hello??!?! beuaty is culturally defined... if i had no concept of "dance-y-dance" i would have no idea what she meant... i might have decided to do it with sicled feet and claw hands... hey, man what is beauty? don't assume that it's the same for everyone... i mean, we can all sort of agree on beauty... but let's talk about the hottentots, bigggg huge asses... we think that's hideous.. i know i'm scared to death of my fat... but that is amazing to them... i know i hate people based on such little things, and she probably didn't/doesn't get it at all, neither did the ballet teacher friend (who i based my "miss america" character on, by the way... sorry to you miss F if you happen to read this, no offense, i guess...) but it makes me upset that people see these people as so amazing and they cna't even get something as basic as the fact that not everyone values the same things as they do... people think they are sooo profesional and beautiful and respectable... and they live in thei big huge houses with all their material stuff that i can never hope to have.. they get respected, but they cannot respect other people on the most basic level.... but relaly, most people are like that and if you are going to create your own niche, you have ot encounter all of these people who don't get it... i have always struggled with that... you can be different but it's so hard, and then you are like giving up on yourself if you just go along with the norm...
bock to my hangover...

Comments

I hope Ms. F isn't me.
I totally get it.
And all I mean to do is respect.

no, no... F is for Foster...

in that case, funny thing is, I think that F might actually enjoy all this stuff, even if she would at some level pretend not to.

janine? the ballet teacher at fusion... ? she wouldn't even be able to comprehend... she was miss la... that says it all. "Girls, it is very imporTanT that one places the foot, very specifically." (said with valley girl accent and emphasis on the t's)

I'm so exiTed to sTeal Janine's imporTanT line. I'll use a Russian accenT.

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