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February 28, 2006

acupuncture (cont'd)

yeah, I was talking to our (red and I, that is) acupuncturist this morning about what the hell is up with my yin... and he said that from an esoteric standpoint, it has to do with recieving... i also thought that i has a strong propensity to "do" stuff about how i feel... like, i wanted to break-up with Josh becuase i felt like i had to "do" something about differences between us (like football and videogames... eewwww) and i realized that i don't have to do anything, but i can recieve what is good about us, of which there is a lot... also, mr. stillpoint (the acupuncturist) said something about smoking (pot) being about closing yourself off from recieving love... and then i had this thought that maybe i love josh, but i'm hesitant to use that word because it is so abstract to be... ("jane says i've never been in love, i don't know what it is. she only knows when someone wants her.") and then i thought that really, i was going to break up with him because i'm closing myself off from being loved... making reasons that we are wrong, when the fact is, it is the easiest relstionship in my life, it just happens without trying... and that feels weird to me... so yeah... i'm totally learning all of those things in this lifetime... i'm glad i'm doing it during my quarter-life crisis than when i'm like 50... Red, you are so f-ing smart that it freaks me out.. because besides my gemini, i am basically all virgo and cancer... and i also have digestion problems associated with my anxiety which probably has to do with how my breath (diaphragm movement) is affecting my intestinal tract... my pooper has been broken a lot... not recently so much... but damn, you're good...

February 27, 2006

sending love to the fucking cunt-bags of the world

i was in yoga this morning and my teacher (who rocks the house) was talking about how you have to approach things with the opposite of what arrises in you... for example in very open poses, you would think that your energy goes outwards a lot, but it would be more helpful/efficient to draw your energy into yourself in this open poses... i used to teach that same idea when i taught dance...whenever you think you are going up, pay attention to the down, when you draw your arm up and away, pay attention to the opposite foot... etc... i could go on for days about the mechanics of it all... however, i thought about how ted nugent or any and all of these things that seem to be getting such a strong reaction from me these days... so i should feel sorry for ted nugent instead of hating him... instead of crying everytime i see a hom less person, i should send them joy... right? that doesn't change the fact that some people might be cunt-bags, but it does change how they affect me and ultimately gives them less power...

February 26, 2006

orders from red: anatomy can also suck my balls

this is what i wrote to red regarding her invition to invite people from my anatomy class
"no it's fuckin anatomy II, which, much like ted nugent, can suck my
balls.... it reminds my of high school bio... i should have dropped out
of high school... there's no really super cool people in that class,
just this overachieving asian guy named andy who was in my 150 and got
a hard on when i massaged him.. eewwww.
yermomfrombehindformoney"
and she proclaimed that i must blog it, and so it shall be....................................................

February 23, 2006

trippy shit

pretty things i made

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and
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digestion ...

i'm starving... but i eat three bites, then i'm full...
I'm only writing this becuase i'm avoiding thinking about taxes...
The man is after me... they say that i own my own business... WTF??!!?!?!?!?!?!!!?!?!?!?
I would like to tell big brother that if they try to get me to pay anything, it would be just as frusterating as trying to squeeze blood from a stone... goddam it... see ted nugent blog...

acupuncture

my acupuncturist says that i am his most needle tolerant patient... (have you seen my tattoos and piercings) i've wondered whether getting tatted is equivalent to cutting, only more socially acceptable... still not sure... however, i realized that one on my earrings happens to be exactly on one of my lung points an my belt tattoo does this cris-cross right on a digestive point, too... hmmm, am i subconsiously trying to acupuncture myself??? i was tripping on LSD for the first time (3 weeks ago... see previous blog) and i had that same trip that i've had a few times on shrooms where my lungs are really fucking pissed off and start to itch (again, see previous blog)... only this time it took over the whole left side of my body... if you happen to have any insight as to the left side, please do share... anyway, mostly, it was in my left intercostals and extended to my left shoulder and down my arm... i was telling my acupuncturist about this and i traced the line of tightness down my left arm... LO AND BEHOLD!! it was my lung maridian freaking out... well, duh... right?? he also put these cool seeds in my ears so i can stimulate my lung points myself... i'm thinking i should get those spots pierced... i also need a new tattoo along where the thoracic cavity ends that says breathe.... that would be dope...

3 weeks of weedlessness/restlessness

so, i've made it a good solid three weeks.. the first week being characterized by drinking wine and crying a lot, the second week by rage and this week... i seem to want to excercise again... interesting... throughout, i have had terrible restless leg syndrome, which has been cutting into my sleep... restless legs are like torture... it itches and hurts and spazes and tickles all at the same time... so i have to get up and do legs-up-the-wall for liek hours before it goes away... my mom is going to order some cool ass oil that i'm supposed to put on the soles on my feet before bed... it also treats add... which, as you may or may not know are my initials. The polarity teacher at IPSB brought up that book, messages in the water, or something like that... you know, where the guy says different stuff to the water, plays music shows images then freezes it and takes pics of the molecules... she said that i may want to consider changing my name becuase i may be taking it on... i then thought it would be funny to stick my gramma's name, hazel in there and just make it adhd... haha... i think my dad would be offended if i changed my name, but you kow what, he's the one who gave my driving issues by making me go to bakersfield my whole fucking life, so i guess he deserves it... he is also mad at me for not smoking pot because that's the only thing we had in common... too bad so sad...

February 21, 2006

a rainbow for me

So I was in the midst of one of my latest bouts of rage and i had to get the fuck outside... it was triggered by getting stuck on the 405 on the way to Santa Monica... fuckin'... it took me like 1.5 hours to get there... and it should be a 20 minute drive... so naturally it brought me right back to my daily commutes to UCLA which prompted my morning bowl toking... as the 405 is enought to make anyone need to get seriously fucking stoned.... only now there is no pot to buffer the harsh reality of driving... i was frusterated to the point of tears... and of course, i stayed that way for the rest of the day...
So anyway... i had to get out, so i went for this walk even though it was some bitter ass cold and windy shit outside... i walked down Beryl to Hermosa ave and hung a right at which point it started to rain reasonably hard.... and i said to myself, that figures... and so i got even more pissed off and was walking really hard and fast up this monsterous hill on 190th towards prospect. It was still raining and i was still fuming and then it got really sunny and the most perfect rainbow appeared.. i don't think i had ever before seen a rainbow so perfect... i could see it from end to end, a perfect arc and the colors were all defined and shit... so i felt like it was just for me... and then it reminded me that "despite all it's shams drudgery and broken dreams it is still a beautiful world"

ted nugent can suck my balls!

so i saw this thing about ted nugent's crib and it again pointed out exactly why i hate most everything... there is this fucking ignorant ass-hole... who kills under the guise of communing with nature and has all these animal heads on his wall... i mean, really, how barbaric can we be?? he has like 12 cars and this super hot wife and he is ugle and stupid and made his living by writing songs called "wang dang sweet poon-tang." Must i go on further about how this ass-hole barely deserves human status, i think not.... and he's got more shit than one person could ever use in a lifetime... i mean doesn't this fuck talk about how he's so not wasteful all the time?? well, mr fucking nugent you seem pretty wasteful to me... living your "american dream" while i have to live with my mom and my car is falling apart and the government is after me because i'm an independant contractor... um, hello, uncle sam, i have no money to give you, why don't you go ask ted nugent if he can spot me some cash... i'll hit him back next week for it... oh, yeah, and kiss my balck ass while you're at it...