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baby baby

I wish I could run up the mountain. But everything is on fire.

baby baby
i don't understand these souls.
the ways they come here and the ways they leave.
and how they torment each other in the time between. All the meaning they make and everything destroy.
all the languages that point back to themselves and yet still seem to speak to something. something not the words or what the words mean, but something totally else. something you knew for sure and jumped towards, as it disappeared. that details are arbitrary and still so real. that everything is nothing and still hurts.. and makes you fly. if it were pointless, it wouldn't matter. there is something in the fact that I cry. As you jump through the mirage, you miss. but still hit the ground the ground. something solid enough. it is there. and it was not my imagination or my meaning making. there is something there. so my feet pound the ground faster and faster. listening to the distance between me and my body. me and my echo. my center and my edge, and all my broken rythmns, until it comes into tune. and my feet pound the ground faster and faster until they are my own. until I caught up just yesterday. until my breath is clean. And I thought about the possible words to write and that there is more to write in my head than on paper and more to write on paper than I could say. and I thought about all of the possible lives I could live. even in this one. all of the ways. And tonight you couldnt pull your mind back, but yesterday I thought about her. and that I like her. that she is real and she would yell or rage or fight me. and I would fight her. and I imagine us fighting, with neither stronger than the other. until we both lay fallen and crying. for everything we thought we knew for sure. baby. baby. you have to water sunshine. you have to stay in that place that believes. dont forget what you are doing here. dont forget what its about. reach through the illusion and you can still feel its pulse. your hand touches my face and it falls away. your hand touches my face and it falls away. your hand touches my face and it falls away. please wake up. please remember when we woke early or barely slept at all. and how it hurt and it was cold pavement on my skin but it was real. and you were far away but you were here.
and now Iam here, where are you, baby?
baby. baby. baby.

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