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September 25, 2007

Crash into it

There is more space in us than there is matter. In fact,there is more space in us than there is of us. Really, its all space, right? That is...until we crash into it.

In all this unity, we have to remember our difference. In all the softness, acknowledge that it’s hard. In this ego running, remember the invisible. In all this invisible, remember this world. You call me outward and I call you inward. However, in the end, neither of us could ever understand. We work through the details of this space and time, to unwind
The past. Two cultures, two languages, two logics. Love, yes, is the connection and knowing. And it is also the forever-unknown. The goddess of duality. The magic that there is an other. There is something calling me that I have never known. And. It is one.

All pain is stagnant blood. Stagnation. Something stopped. Really, the pain is the friction. The space between. Something that is moving and something that is still. The gap is the difference in speed and the game of catch-up we play with ourselves. If everything was still, or if everything was moving, there would be no friction, there would be no pain. This is not for the sleeping, nor for the awake. This is for those in the waking shadows. Wishing to be blessed by the old world and embraced by the new. Wishing for ease. No. Here’s to the gap. I ask only to laugh through the tears. This is the pain of waking up.

So. You have gone beyond your wildest dreams in unexpected ways. What now? There is a sense in which success must stay as deeply rooted as it always has been AND there is a sense in which it must be redefined. Don’t worry. It can be both at once: in deep integrity and service and BIGGER. So, (sew, sew, sew….) what do you want?


We are [just] densified energy. Brought down to form; a condensed bundle of the same stuff as everything—solidified, slowed down. Until it almost looks still
In what seems static to this form, our nature
Once released, it is back to flow with everything
That is also free, until it condenses—is again brought down to form.

Just as our cells (and this is just for linear time) are the same cells of generations before when you take it down to the atoms. Thought absolutely not recognizable. So with energy.
And in some ways recognizable, as these bit do carry resonance of what they have been and what they are becoming.

And when it seems recognizable, it can get personal. And sometimes, with personal, can come judgement and then karma in punative and reincarnation is substitute for dogma. And this moment can become just another bit of math for you to measure yourself against.


I remember accidentally having a conversation with my mom where I started relating non-violence to non-duality. I found myself doing a reread of the asention of Christ as his entrance into unity consciousness. That was the stupidest conversation ever. I remember going back to my family and having to remind myself to hide because that’s not what I do in normal life. I remember being confused by the rolling of professional stress conversation into no PDA (twice this sequence happened). And its true. Its all true. I remember asking for more abundance and having 3,000 come in today and thinking, chicken scratch, right? My bar is raised. And timelessness crashes against finitude, and timelines and there is something to do here, there is something to do.

Goddess of duality. The secret to magic is truth and truth is change. That basically means that if you let something come to full expression full truth, then it moves forward. In a reality that seems that the only constant is change, there is then a constant. We have to remember the sacred unknown, and the fact that, through truth, we choose to step into that never know. No constant.

Non-duality does not mean One. In means forever embracing the two. The way to knowledge is not through logic, but through paradox—through stimulating both sides at once.

In quantum consciousness, a lot of attention is placed on the observer. That if the tree fell, and no body was there to see it, did it make a sound….did it even fall at all? This perspective and the spiritual materialism that sometimes follows is an expression of esoteric philosophy through a lens that values doing. Universal law is seen as requiring my personal participation. But the truth is that Law exists whether I am there or not. Whether I am in a position to notice it of not. This same breath that turns the oceans was blowing before I was born and will keep blowing long after I die. Love exists whether I feel it or not. It is not a question of the existence of healing, abundance, free-will or love. These simply exist as universal law. It is a question of participation. What we have, or must have, is willingness.

The universe said "yes" to us. It breathed us. We choose to say "yes" back.

You said to me, we do not have to try. Our connection is built in the structure. In the stars. You can pour weight through your bones. You can let go. There is so much diversity here. From without and within. Adversity could be on the table. I have not dreamed past this point. I have not written this yet. Respect the other. Respect the other. Yoga, and the opposite of yoga. There has to be one AND two. Or else there is no contact.

It is not what the mind can think or the heart can feel. It is what the heart and mind can do together. And it is what the heart and mind can do in linking to other hearts and minds. Our participation in the whole by the quality of each breath.

September 08, 2007

Goes direct.

And so you land in the moment. Naked and shaking and fearless. And thankful and empty and wondering and full. Wound and unwinding. Wounded and worn and pure. And so you land in this moment ever changing.


Venus is turning and I am listening to Sting in the coffee shop. Did you ever play the game where you catch one blade on the ceiling fan with your eye and hold? Something that is usually a blur. And hold, then drop it. And catch again. Running or walking and doing our best, we loop back crossing our own paths and each other. We smell each other on everything we pass. We smell what used to be ours. Did you ever eat the honey from the Bird of Paradise? Did you ever eat passion fruit fallen floating in the river? Did you ever smell that smell left after the rain? After the rain. Do you smell it now?

He never said so, but my dad loved this song. It played at my grandparents big anniversary party. One of the parties that people plan before they get too old and their friends can’t dance. The celebrations of a Joy that also holds the tone of inevitable loss and the knowing, never-knowing of when it will go. Did you ever sing amazing grace in a hospital room? Did you ever run at the beach at night? Did you ever put something away for safe keeping and never see it again? See it again. Did you run as fast as you could to catch you plane or train and jump on it? Did you catch it? Did you find it? Do you see it now?

We all know fucking everything, but forget in strange chunks. For a moment, we remember the past and wonder where it went. It seems so clear that nothing is changed. That we are right there forever and then we flash back to now, and, “oh”. And oh. Oh. Oh! My god. I remember, Now is not then. Now I am somewhere I almost still cant believe. And oh, you ask me again, Where I Came From? I was always here. In passing, in waking, in running, in crossing. In this blur. there are moments when we catch an eye. And a piece of it holds on forever.

We sweat it out. We cry it out. We scream it out and fight it out. We pass it out in electric jolts that ripple through time and space. Did you ever not know the difference between your sweat and you tears? Did you ever taste your own blood? Were you ever afraid to? Did you ever have a memory that wasn’t yours? Did you ever forget what it was but still feel it? Were you ever afraid? I sweat it out. I cry it out. I fight it out. I pass it out in electric jolts that ripple through time and space. Did you ever scream “NO” at the top of your lungs and nobody listened? Did you ever scream “NO” and they did? Did you ever, say “no” when you mean “yes”. “Yes” yes! Before its too late. And you smell someone’s regret. And we taste each other’s grief. And we dip trembling finger tips into the center of everything and touch the pulse strip naked God. And trembling eyes. Look to finally see. And be. In all the joy and pain.

Did you ever lose everything and say “thank you”? Did you ever get given more than you ever thought possible, and say “thank you” for this as well? Did you ever get whispered that healing is balance? That balance is not still, but is everywhere and everything at once? Did you ever get pleasure to balance your pain? Get held for the times that you were left alone? Did you ever feel a separation melt? Did you ever watch a fear disappear? Did you ever feel the universe expanding. Slowly. Big enough. To hold. Everything at once? Have you ever been told something you couldn’t understand? Have you ever sat at the oceans edge and felt yourself flying? Were you ever given a gift that you did not think you deserved? Have you ever listened to the same song twice? Did you ever eat vanilla ice cream rolled in Quick? Have you ever picked an apple from a tree? Have you ever picked a flower from the same bush everyday and given it to the same person? Have you ever fallen to the ground—laughing or crying or anything at all—and then actually noticed where you were at. Did you decide to stay there just a moment more? Did you remember to say “thanks”? did you remember to stay in it? Did you remember everything that came before? And everything yet to come?


And so you land in the moment. Naked and shaking and fearless. And thankful and empty and wondering and full. Wound and unwinding. Wounded and worn and pure. And so you land in this moment ever changing.