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fire to water

her magic is her freedom:

When the man woke, he saw the tracks of Coyote past his house. Whenever you meet someone of something, the present is evident and there are only two directions to talk in : where did you come from and where are you going? The man decided to find out from where Coyote came and so followed the tracks backwards. They lead to a hole in the earth. dark and seemingly bottomless, there was what felt like a rope ladder and he went down it. He had come into the world of the Coyote people. Living in the womb of Earth, surrounded and held. It was warm and safe. The Coyote People where happy and kind and welcomed him. After a while, he knew that much time passed and that, though it was beautiful there, he needed to return to his home. He wanted to tell the people what he had seen. But when he went to find his way back, what he had thought was a rope ladder was really a spider web.

The Spider Woman weaves the threads that connect the physical world to the spirit world. Sometimes these threads seem delicate.

The man found Spider Woman and said: "I crawled your web without knowing what I was doing. I left my home and now I don't know if I can get back. I am heavy and maybe I have already stretched it too far"
the answer came back that if he believed in the strength of the web without a thought of doubt, he could travel the web safely.

The man had come to Spider Woman's web many times before and would come to it many times again. This time, he crossed it safely.

Andrew asked me if I was ready and I said, "yes".
He lead me out of the kiva, I took off my shoes and sat in the middle of the giant buffalo fur. He told me that The White Wolf Woman had come to the world for this time. She had come to doctor the women and also the men. White Wolf medicine is the woman's spirit. Women are stronger than men...it's supposed to be that way, but at some point, men got afraid---and women too--and egos started to lead. Now there are deposits in the women's bodies for what had been done to them. There are deposits in the bodies of women and men for the harm that has been done to women through this history and to the earth. When she came, she would touch me on the forehead and put me to sleep; I could not be present for this---the consious would only get in the way.

He layed me down and wrapped me in the hide. I felt his touch and I felt Hers. I remember what I remember and then I don't remember.
It took him a long time to wake me up.
He told me that my spirit had been very far away for sometime.
He told me that I didn't have to worry about that anymore. The White Wolf Woman was now with me and she would continue Her work with me and would be with me when I needed Her. And also be with me for others.

Hala helped me get more in my body in this realm. A delicate thread, a bird up too high.
She oriented me like you talk to someone who is tripping: this is a chair, this is the floor, look around you, look for the color yellow. I realized that I had been tripping. how much I am afraid of what I wont look at. feeling unworthy to see, to be, to breathe. She drew the rivers with the blade of her hand across her other hand open. She carved the groove of our patterns then diverted the river...deja vu. I have heard this before: I stayed.

in the sand, concentric rings of tobacco with an equal cross through the middle. 51 rock people with our intentions. Then encased in, for each, a wood person with what we were releasing. A few of us stayed around where the fire would be built and smoked cloves or tobacco and made tobacco ties. Tobacco holds the vibrations of our prayers, we would wear the strand around our necks then hang them above of heads in the lodge. 28 pockets: 7 directions multiplied by the four primary directions. The number of days to create the universe, the length of a cylcle: I prayed into each. Tied with slip knots so that the energy flows between. The red cloth is for blood: life.

I was so excited for the sweat, it was what I had held out for. I knew it was what I needed, but I didn't know how it would come. I didn't care. I watched the fire turn the rocks orange.
It was so tight. 45 people pressed together; there would be 51 hot rocks. The first round was beautiful, watching the rocks glitter when the medicine plants touched them. and the drum and the songs. the dome, the only space: above--a map of the sky. Some spirits joined us, but it stayed spacious.
The second round was the women's prayers. I think that most people were crying and sweating to where you don't know the difference. And it was, by this point, very very hot.
Once all of women had made their prayers, Andrew prayed intensely, calling out to the White Wolf Woman to heal the women. to heal the men. to stop the beating, stop the hurting. She came: gentle, but roaring.

Fire to water. Maybe before
I wouldn't have been able to feel this so deeply
I would have made myself stay to strengthen my body and my mind---and I would have missed my soul healing.
I was outside, layed across a rock moaning and screaming, dripping wet. Opening my eyes to the moon and the picture negative of the moon and its hallow--the eye I have seen before. She let part of me stay awake for this---I felt the surgery, I could even see it in a way. I felt something get taken out and the hollow, then the light filling in. But I still was moaning, soaking but still hot under the almost full moon. I felt the pain of thousands of years but with ecstacy. I was so glad to be feeling it moving. I could see Her. I would die with joy for this to be unburried.
Hala came to me and was touching me and talking to me. I have been held in this place by spirit before, but not by a human. I slid off the rock to lay in the dirt. Hala left and White Wolf Woman put me to sleep once more.
They called me to wake up and I still couldn't move. I felt the texture of Andrew's arm. They moved me back to the kiva.

As I slowly woke up, I stared at the moon. the White Wolf Woman talked to me gently but firm. I knew what She was asking through this gift. What I was being initiated to.

I went back into the sweat for the last round. We sang, then screamed, then the last round was for graditude.

fire to water.
I had gone through the fire that year, but there was more to burn. I think I went there knowing that and fell into tears as soon as I had space. At the beginning of 2006 setting the intention of fire---passion, drive, clarity. purification of: I was yet to learn of what and how much. We always think we have made it and that now we should rest easy.
I was dramatic at the time, but what was left to burn then flow away would give me a gift on many levels. Healing for a lot of this life time: relief from the stories of my personality and through that, initiation to the healing of thousands of years. It does not stay the same: there is movement. And something is starting to happen now. We are being asked to learn. We cannot hurt or hurt much more.

I have permission to see. I have permission to breathe. To be. I realize how, in the past, these things have felt like I am asking too much.
I accept the privlage of life with gratitude.
Thank you to everyone and everything through this fire.
we continue on

thank you White Wolf Woman.


Hi Laura, Thanks for sharing your blog. I'm soaking it up...you write so beautifully, I'll comment more later.Peace be with you, Kathleen from Pacifica..Tucson

I heart you, Kathleen. And I wear your earing on on my Hanuman shirt.

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