Buddha don't live here (or at least doesn't seem to be reading)
Angry blog---ready? Go!
soooo, buddha doesn't like the flyer. After the last conversation, her saying she "trusts my judgement, do something" and then having this big judgement. And maybe I should have could have, still could consult her everystep of the way, but then nothing would have gotten done; I feel our sensabilities my not be reconsilable and it would be another opertunity for me to just fold. Unfortunately, Im getting good at that. They done even see my power, not that its not there. But I see myself through them...
So, I stood up. I emailed saying "[maybe you can understand how I am sensative/nervous about this on many levels]" 1. teaching at this studio---which is at once the place I was born and at the same time the thing that is sucking my energy now. 2. I've never put myself on my own flyer before and though I can kind of relate to the energetics of it, there is a degree to which I fundamentally dont believe in it----for me, not nec. for anyone else. She wrote back saying that I shouldn't be so sensative. OR how bout this, be a little more courtious!
Ok, but thats not the thing. Then we talked on the phone and she said that what she didn't like was the way she looked in the picture. SHe said that she can be very photogenic and didn't think she was in that picture.
And I got confused.
I chose that picture specifically because I thought she looked beautiful in it.
Maybe softer than usual.
more honest, less hiding.
My point is, I am interested now in how people think there beauty is located differently than others see it. I was thinking: how often is it that I see someone as beautiful at just the moment that they are failing at their own conception. The part that says "Im photogenic" the part that thinks we ever dont see through what you're trying to project. and I mean that for everyone.
Maybe beauty is when the outside becomes transparent. So your deepest bit shows through.
Out truth is in the glitches when the picture jumps, when the stolen cable fails and we see this TeeVee world isn't the real thing.
And I saw no wabisabi draw in that picture. It wasn't about the beautiful imperfection....I only saw perfection; and I saw it in a way that I didn't think my heart could be wrong.
But, then again, even if our beauty is in our truth and our truth in the moments our beauty fails...maybe we dont want to be seen. We want our constructed beauty to succeed so that we can keep believeing that beauty can be constructed. We create and create and create ourselfs. But why?
Comments
very nice blog -- you have successfully demonstrated your anger in a reflective and diplomatic manner -- voicing your opinion without putting anybody down or projecting momentary bad feelings onto someone else. much light of wisdom was shed on the subject of beauty. i too thought that pic was beautiful for the same reasons you have mentioned.
Posted by: mushie | April 3, 2006 03:01 PM
Wait a stinkin' minute!
Why do you rarely like all those pictures of you that I think are so beautiful?
Is that the same dynamic occurring, or have my years of steroid abuse left me with poor judgement?
Posted by: brown_slice | April 4, 2006 12:39 PM
I think that's the oposite. She said, "I'm very photogenic"...she saw this picture not only as not pretty, but as an anamoly. I get shocked at good looking pictures of myself, she got shocked at what she saw as a bad one. But...low self esteem vs inflated ego aside, when people make something where my image is, I try to see myself through their judgement. Had she said she was self conscious and didn't like it....that would have been different.
she's worse than greg!!
im soooo pretty.
I didn't see that comming.
Posted by: red | April 4, 2006 06:57 PM
Of course she's worse than me...because I'm not bad.
Posted by: beefcake | April 16, 2006 01:05 PM
Ummm... Hellooo... Greg is pretty, but he is BAD.
That's what makes him GOOD. You know: Good despite the overly MEATY BUTT-CHEEKS.
We'll overlook the MEATY BUTT-CHEEKS for now - be all nice and understanding. After all, he can't help it if the Graviton-rich Snack-Distortion-Field of Cold Stone's pulls him into the door all the time.
So, whatever you do, DON'T ever mention the words "Cold Stone" around him. "Cold Stone" is a taboo, off-limits word. Never EVER say "Cold Stone" in his presence. Please!
Never never never say those words.
You know: "Cold Stone".
His freakin ass-cheeks are meaty ENOUGH. Be a Pal.
To summarize: Don't mention "Cold Stone" to him. It's for his own good.
"Cold Stone".
Posted by: brown_slice | April 16, 2006 03:25 PM
maybe bongo just got some cold stone pheromones that beefcake is sensitive too.
Posted by: Cock | April 17, 2006 03:58 PM
bongo like him meaty. So that we can put him is a stew.
Posted by: princess | April 17, 2006 04:14 PM
Talking about me as if I'm food is hot.
Posted by: beefcake | April 18, 2006 05:17 PM
Like a meat popsicle? Or when Red talks about mayo popsicles. Pukey. Tangent: why do they still play "how bizarre" on the radio?
Posted by: Cock | April 19, 2006 12:12 PM
they play it because of people like us; both to piss us off and also to make me look at myself and go "what the fuck just happened..." inexplicable... i heart greg's ass cheeks they have a special place in my picture frame: so back to pictures: i am also very sensitive baout my pictures, but mostly because i think i look funny in all of them... my mouth doesn this weird thing... it's like i'm nervous so i tense up the left corner of my mouth... it's that left side of the body thing again... maybe it all stems from my stupifd lip... i also have thought about my tattoos and thought that they are a way to alter the way people see me... i don't want to be seen as just the smiley chick who's all bubbly and sweet... which i can't help "acting" like all the fucking time... so i do shit like get tattooed so people will think i'm a little more badass, don't fuck with me, man... stay out stay away, if you get too close i'll hurt you, i do bite after all, but the truth is that everything hurts me, so i just want everything at arms length... so there's a tidbit about images...
Posted by: psychadelic fur burger | April 19, 2006 04:18 PM
You bodies to bootylicious for me baby.
Posted by: Cock | April 20, 2006 05:43 PM
"bodies" is plural.
That's interesting. (not the fact that I just corrected you, but the part about her multiple bodies being to (directive to, rather than too) bootylicious.
Posted by: princess | April 21, 2006 04:57 PM