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Ding dong

the witch is dead...

...Yes that’s right folks the house landed on the witch and voila she is gone. Well her final day is next Wednesday but then its done. The evil regime is disbanding. Finally! First Slow pants now this. WOOOOO!!!! Holiday, Celebrate! And I wasn’t going to come into work the day that she told me but I’m glad I did. Now all we gotta do is get rid of Keys Clickers Clickers and Keys and Shrilly. Hooray!

No more idle threats about leaving or crying everyday about how people hate her to the point where she looks like a waterlogged Pekingese that has just gotten out of the bath. With her huge puffy eyes and wet nose. Now she can’t storm out of the office for the rest of the day and not get fired. If anyone else did that we would have gotten shit canned for sure. No more paranoid meth related behavior. No more fucking heart of gold shit talk. Good lord. Pity party party of one for her.

Let me tell you about that. Ever since the beginning everyone hated her (accept for management) because she is crazy and no one can work with her and then she got all bent out of shape. I had to talk with her about it and during the course of the two hour conversation she said that she had a heart of gold maybe 10 times and she didn’t’ understand how people couldn't see that. I feel that anyone that claims that they “heart of gold” doesn’t’ have one. Just my interpretation.

She got so paranoid that everyone hated us that she did not allow Stacy and I do go to lunch at the same time in fears that we would talk about her the whole time. There was no real reason. She said she wanted one of us here at all times incase work came up. But heaven for-fucking-bid she would have to do an ounce of work while she is here. I guess managers aren't supposed to work? And she wanted to break us down so that we would be work drones. She can't hold us down now.

She also claims how she's "green" and spiritual. When people say that its more of them tooting their own horn and trying to be all look at me I’m such a saint please make me shrine. Real people just do it. And she wants to be all recycley and shit and then when she's pissed throws everything away and storm around the office. Funny how green you really are. Maybe its gangrene. Snap. And she also drives an Audi TT muscle car. And her dream car is not a Prius or any hybrid but another Porch. At least its not an SUV but you never know. And she feels she's artsy because she lives in Venice in an "artist loft." Which means fancy house. As well has gone on multiple 10 days fasts when she's been at work, which has only made her more hateful and snatchy. Green please.

Oh and the hair braiding. Help me. Without fail, whenever she would talk to anyone especially if she was nervous she would take a piece of the inside of her head of extensions and braid it. Telling us about what we need to do she'd braid her hair. In a meeting doing the same thing. Its like honey maybe if you washed that fright wig then you could braid it, but you do not wash it so it looks like a rat-tail. But the best part about that was that Slow Pants who became her bff started to adopt that mannerism. When she would slosh around the office and try and be managerial even though she was the receptionist and try and tell Stacy and me what to do she would braid her hair.

No more black feet and spread legs around the office. She has a thing of not wearing shoes at the office no matter what. Its her wanna be hippie ness. But seeing that my company is cheap does not vacuum the floors or anything, by the end of the day her feet are completely black and soot covered. Claude has the theory that she is a post-op tranny given the size of her hands and feet and how big a "woman" she is.

Now she cant' hang out with Shrilly and talk about their papsmear while I’m trying to work. Holy Lord. It was so hard not to scream when I was sitting here and they were whispering at certain points about their parts and their plumbing and everything. Tired tuna. But that doesn’t' stop her from whenever chance she gets to sit spread eagle on the floor of all meetings and try and seduce the tech guy. Who by the way is married with a son. But she rubs on him and has him give her massages. I do think the best massage he ever gave her was a head massage. Who knows what he was on then but he gave her one and was all "what are these." and she's all "oh my hair extensions." AHHHHHH. Like I said before unwashed hair extensions yikes. And also fun walking into the cube and seeing her surfing her online tattered tuna dating site. She would treat us like complete shit whenever she would have a bad date. I did not even want to think about her dating let alone having her taking out her frustrations on us because of it.

Everyone realized that she was an insane maniac accept for the president, vp and human resources director. All the people that could do something about it were not going to. Sucked hard for a long time. Its like she had a golden ticket everyday and could behave like an infant and they would just hug her and tell her its ok. And tell us that we were being mean girls and get pissed off when we wouldn’t' help her move to another fucking office because she said that managers need their own office. Its only because she wanted to surf the net in piece. It was so pathetic how these people could not see through her lies and tainted personality.

No more running around trying to control shit and then getting out of control and going I’m going to quit then doesn’t. Fucking do it already. Now finally she did. We had fucking 4 or 5 cactus on her ass and her name in the freezer. 10 months. 10 I say, and the witchcraft that was taught to us by our Jedi master Claudette finally worked. We don’t want anything bad to happen to her just to get out of our lives. Just a little restraining order nothing else. That’s only human. No more coming home after work and crying because she has driven me to a point of distress and feeling that I have no self worth about anything that I do at work. Greggy and attest to many of those nights helping me know that everything is ok and she’s just a cunt. Finally the protesting and talks with Lumburg finally worked. See the power of collective energy in motion.

I've been waiting 10 months for this witch to quit. She's taught me a few things that I can take away from this situation. I would have learned more but she's unapproachable because she is majorly bipolar and might snap at any moment. Thats probably why no one goes to her directly and only come to me and Stacy for any work that must be done. That chafes her ass even more and has castrated us many a time for having people come to us. Trying to break our spirit on any chance that she gets. She's never been on our side and has lied about us being unprofessional to make herself look good. Even a time where we were here late and she fucked up things hard and we had to reprint the work. She called us and left us hateful messages about what the fuck are we doing. Then got Lumburg on our case who then sided with her. What the fuck. And putting us down, saying we don’t' know how to do anything when we aren’t' perfect. But her evil reign is now coming to an end. And I wont' be afraid to look at her directly in the eye in fears I might be turned into a pillar of salt. Because she won't be here to look at. But I've been needing that rant for a little bit now. A rant and a cleanse of all the negativity that she has spread around the office. I’ve learned over time that she can only have so much power over me and my life but mostly its paranoid and insecurities that control her actions. Anyone can only have so much power as you give them. And no matter how much she says that she's affected she doesn’t' care about me or my other coworkers when she gets home. Mostly because she's drunk. But my life is not just work and sure its sucky but I can be bigger and rise above. Wata off a ducks back. She's made it hard to come into work for many days since she has been here. I do not completely hate her and sure no one is perfect but some people are worse than others. She's never managed people before which is quite apparent and they should have fired her ass a long time ago because of it. Me and Stacy who work directly under her have been approached by almost every member of this company and told "how do you put up with her?" When you are surrounded by someone who's "intention" is good but the only thing she portrays is negative its makes for a not fun working environment. Old Leather Chest now gets to be flakey somewhere else.

Its been a journey of resilient and perseverance. But I will miss the emails compiled of all of "paranoid quotes of the day." That would be sent to selected members of the office sharing in her antics.

Thank goodness she quit!!!

"TGIF" by Le Tigre. "your beautiful and your boss is an asshole. I don’t' have a shit what that dick thinks. We will survive!" Its been my battle cry many a night driving home.

Just wanted to give you a glimpse into some of the hate show material that goes on here at work. Shit happens and I've dealt with it but now that shit is leaving.

But I can only hope my next boss will be better. I have faith but also am scared cause the owner is kinda like the president. He appoints bad people.

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