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The first weekend in many months that felt something like rest.

the dread never fully abates. since late last year, it has been the dread of not knowing.

not knowing if i had what it takes to sustain a higher level of lifestyle complexity - higher expenses, unknown emotional road map and all.

but things just keep rolling along.

different, stranger? yes.

harder? no. not really.

along with the heat and humidity of a Brooklyn spring/summer comes a dull enveloping blankness.

the city closes in like a thick wool suit. warm, womb-like, heavy

the muscles warm up and loosen. everyone slows down. i speed up.

big cat gliding through his hunting grounds. i am almost that.

luckily i have a girlfriend whos near-constant disdain keeps me human.

hooray for hapless boobs like me.

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