empty running
i hate/love how things can change in an instant.
i remember how my childhood was shattered/re-formed the first day i went to kindergarten
and the 2nd day, and the 3rd day.
by day 4 or 5, the universe re-formed.
by day 6, i was a completely different person.
I had a strange aphasia - perceptual shear last night. Sitting there, a first beer freshly opened, Angela telling a story. Everything felt unreal, a sort of out-of-body experience.
the feeling hung there for a bit, then drifted away.
i was just sitting on a Barcalounger-type chair, but it was like passing through a gateway.
some magic was afoot. what it was, i don't know.
yeah. "difference" is good. Contrast, variety.
things shaking loose, subtly, almost invisible.
in other areas of my life, i can feel my past stupidity catching up to me.
we'll see what happens.
Dear Diary "Hi how's it goin'?"
Comments
meh.
last night my mom unwound this story about how she lied to me as a child.
It was a part of the denial/avoidance and christman music that accompanied the conversation she has never wanted to have.
That story---I didnt remember it until she told me. How was my life defined by this event that I dont even remeber until told. She kept asking me how she could have done different (not my freeking job, fisrt of all, I was the child) I was always so difficult that they didt know what to do with me but lie and send me away. and I wanted to scream at her and she kind of wanted me to, but that would feed the idea that she had done it wrong and I was broken.
Grounded. and sitting in my shit.
something that has to clear before I move forward.
Magic?
Yes, please.
Posted by: princess | December 9, 2007 10:13 AM
everything can suck my balls... let's fuck some shit up...
Posted by: fur | December 10, 2007 12:08 AM