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yeah, I'm really exhausted. in a sustained "normal" state of gone.
nearly post-verbal. in need of hibernation. needing to purge the Left Coast from my system. Detox all the "air" and gain some balance.
i love the way i feel when i'm with you. the calm that comes when i hear your voice.
i would like to throw away the phone, turn off the computer and hibernate with you for a few days.
i want to bathe in your light and just BE with you.
what would happen if you gave it all away?
would you run out?
or would there always be some more?
what would happen if you were always giving it away?
it might look something like this:
and it's crossing yer-anus.
me 'n Ang did a last minute run to Home Depot in Marina Del Rey. She needed to make a water evaporator for Burning Man, so we got parts to make a really trick K.D. (knock down) one from 2-by-4's, bolts, threaded inserts and black plastic sheeting.
I'm all sleepy and burned out despite having napped most of the afternoon (with the requisite white noise droning loudly into my earholes.) Needed a break. Too much stuff outside causing too much noise inside.
I can't say that my mind got any rest, but my body did and that counts for something.
While driving to Mom's in the early evening to drop of some stuff and do some laundry, my mind turned inward as is it's habit. and in the loping thoughts of actual past events and real and imagined future events - my thoughts fixated and emotions surged. The image and sense memory of Mollie rose up in my mind, and I had that feeling again.
And I had to call her. Talking, loping this way and that. Riding the thread. Reading and Telling the unfolding story.
There is a there there. And a here here. I go to the Magic, and this is the strongest ever.
And it's always coming together.
Ang made some awesome boil-in-a-bag indian food from Trader Joe's. Torchwood is playing on the big screen.
All is right with the world.
Except that it isn't.
if you knew that in 21 days you'd never see these things again - the faces, the familiar routines, the stuff both pleasant and not so...
would they be that much more precious and beautiful?
Would you ramp up your annoyance in a gambit to not feel so much?
Would you just grow numb... or maybe even wise?
Would you be glad?
because none of this matters anymore. it's already gone.
been gone for a while. Gone before you realized it was gone.
close your eyes
take a breath
count to three
we are the dreamers of dreams
watch it all disappear
Have you guys seen the "lapband" stomach device?
it's HERE.
Now available in Tijuana! (yes, it is)
There's this thing just below your skin that they use to adjust the size of the stomach band.
if you have a problem eating too much, i'll make like the Lap-band and squeeze my hands around your neck for free.
i'm here to help.
Nawww, for reals now... I have the answer to curing obesity RIGHT HERE!
click it... click it.. CLICK IT!!!!
release me goddamnit. set me free.
you know it's in your power to do so; to make things better for everyone
including yourself
all you have to do is decide that it's OK
for one little ant to walk
there are other Magic Ants who can grant wishes too.
maybe another will happen along this path. maybe not.
but this here ant needs to walk. i'm needed elsewhere
i need to be elsewhere
i could do it myself. I am, after all, a Magic ant.
but that wouldn't be right. There are rules; even the unspoken agreements must be followed.
so turn the jar on it's side - grant me permission.
you're the only one who can.
please. pretty please?
it will be good for you too. i promise
Having left my laptop (doing "batch processes") at moms, i've taken to the habit of using the DLP projector as my monitor with the Linux server for email/internet.
Supine on a wedge of pillows, a large keyboard on my lap.
I've come to the conclusion that what would make this more ergonomically perfect is if the keyboaed's keys were backlit, and a small trackball or trackpad needs to be where the arrow keys are (right now i have a giant arcade trackball next to me), and also if the wall that the image is projected on was leaning towards me about 10 to 30 degrees.
oh yeah, the video projector used to have the mini fridge as it's stand. Sometimes there would be beer in it. That was excellent.
maybe two eunuchs waving giant ostrich feathers, keeping me cool
one more thing: someone naked and draped across my thighs. If they were looking at me dreamily while fondling my genitals, that would be a plus.
OH! i almost forgot: someone else in the kitchen making me some pie. I like pie.
yeah, that would be awesome.
I don't watch TV news. I don't listen to "Progressive Radio" anymore. I don't read newspapers.
But today I started reading the news on the internet.
Bad idea.
after browsing through the top headlines of a few news organizations, a pattern emerged.
Putin is a very popular leader amongst the uber-conservative family-oriented hyper-breeder Cossacks. Putin is a hardcore gunslinger archetype - he sicked a couple of planes, big ol' nuke-capable bombers, on Guam, Had an old school Cold War-style smile n' wave at our flyboys in the middle of the Pacific.
Russia is threatening to pull out of disarmament talks, really nothing big. Just posturing, but another shot across the bow.
Bush's blathering is showing signs of weakness. There's a subtle shift that's totally obvious in print and somewhat apparent in the sound bites: he's stopped believing his own line. You can hear it both in the way he talks and the impotence of his actual words. Speaking on Market instability, his words lack any real meaning or force.
But that's just the smoke and mirrors. Where is the real fight happening?
Canada declared it's dominion over the Arctic Circle. Russia has explorations ongoing in the arctic region.
As the polar melt continues, more shipping lanes are opening AND more opportunities for gas and oil drilling. As well as mining for heavy metal material.
Global Warming = ice melt = open ocean for oil and gas platforms...
The Players: Russia, Canada and the US. Possibly Japan and China too.
Follow the money. Follow the Power.
The only question: When will this economic conflict reach the armed stage?
I have seen the future and it looks like 1939 all over again. Only scarier.
The "Islamist Terror Threat" is a hollow Straw Man compared to this thing. This involves trillions in potential profit. Jackals fighting over the last rotting carcass.
By the way - CNN was NOT one of the news sites where these details were gleaned. CNN features the following world-shattering newsworthy items:
Cell vid shows train smash into propane car
Monster truck rolls through crowd
Escort services list jobs on government site
Man teases huge crocodile, swabs its teeth
I shit you not. That's what CNN led with today!
you are sleeping...you do not want to believe...you are sleeping
