DADDY sez...

As I meld into the new collective.

Flowing into an opposite tack, I've looked to experience The now so fully that recording any event for posterity is so not do-able. Now fully enmeshed in The Nothing, the events of the past month (or has it been two months?) have left me mind-numb and damn-near speechless.

I look around in this room, our "Clubhouse" for Magical Unicorn People, and I don't feel the walls pressing in. It's not screaming "get out" to me... no flies or smells of rotting meat. In fact it feels more like Home than any place I've been.

Well, there's that place in Waimanalo that feels like home and the Open Road has always held a certain degree of comfort, but those were all temporary: places to go but not to live.

Maybe that's what makes this place Home: everything here is steeped in flux, an ongoing ever-changing experiment. That and all the ones I love so deeply happen to be here too. What are the odds of that?

With all the incumbent drama and mild edge of uncertainty of a DMZ, you don't know what will happen next. Anything and everything is possible. And no matter how painful and "bad" it can get, It's all good in my eyes. The Players, all magical beings - even the ones who don't think they are. In my heart, the most magical of all.

waiting to be born.

further.

I have seen far far worse. These are actually good times; really good times - the best.

I visited the remnants of my old life today; the people with long time connection. Whatever shift has occurred in me has been strong enough to make me feel like an alien from another world. I felt as if I was a puppeteer playing inside the hollow shell of a person who I didn't know anymore. People needing things from me and also playing out familiar acts with me as the audience. Puppets talking, dead man walking.

My new life is similar; just a different menu of needs. The difference being: here there is a frighteningly deep connection with other Explorers, or at least it seems like there is. I could be sorely confused. I don't think so though. There is magic here; not in one or the other but somewhere in the in-between - a spark in the gap.

processing, always processing. not sure where it's going. processing and watching the process.

time has disappeared. the obsession of time and of missing time is also missing.

I've taken to the habit of walking and skating around town randomly trying to shake something loose in my head - a Vision Quest of sorts. Strange cats come up to me out of nowhere to talk. They'll meow and purr. When I talk to them, they seem to understand my words. I'm waiting for the part where I get what they're saying to me. I'm pretty sure it's something like "Hi, how's it going?"

If anything, at least I know the cats are happy just to see me. They apparently don't need anything but a few kind words and a pat on the head.

Now that I think about it: they're no different than all the people in my life. A bit less-blocked than us humans maybe.

So yeah, I think I'll hang for a little bit in this InterZone. I can't tell yet if this is a time I will be remembering or one that will be forgotten; it's all so blurry right now. There's so much bullshit distraction just waiting to encroach on The Now. I'm hoping it never does.

I have never been so deeply engaged in the lives of others as I am right now. When I pretend to myself that I belong in this place, it can sometimes feel true for more than a passing moment. So I'll stay here for a spell, exploring and wandering - looking for more interesting people and stuff.

I suppose I'll rest my head a while and maybe save up some strength for the long journey to come.

When will I go?

When the moment comes.